Last Saturday, my nearly 13 year old daughter Zoe and I took an adventure racing class (ARC) together at the Lifetime Fitness Club we belong to in Montvale, New Jersey. The ARC class is for people who are training for events like the Spartan Race. It applies principles of cross training and very High Intensity Interval Training. It was Zoe’s first class, but she is no stranger to fitness. She exercises regularly and her Clarkstown Soccer Club takes fitness pretty seriously. She also runs the mile for her middle school track team. Right after the class I chose to have a conversation with Zoe about drugs. It was not planned; it just kind of happened. I think it’s worth sharing.
The last subject I will profess to have any significant knowledge of is raising children. I spend so much time gathering academic knowledge of human health and wellbeing while I spend virtually no time looking to experts or academicians on how to raise my three children. I avoid pop psychology articles on the subject, and I once had a retiring child psychologist patient give me a small collection of her favorite books on child psychology and child rearing, of which I read none. I quickly donated them to a local library. I do not have anything against this type of knowledge, I just naturally avoid it. I am not sure I know why.
As I write this, however, I can’t think of anything more important to the future of our nation than the children we bring into this world to replace us and solve the big problems of the world. You might be thinking; “If your children are so important to you and to society, then why spend no time learning what experts have to say to raise them right?” I don’t know the answer. All I can say is that my “gut” tells me to learn the hard way. I learn from my family, the families of my closest friends and people I admire for guidance. I look to those who have raised their children and made many mistakes doing it. I also try very hard to recognize and learn from the many mistakes that I make on a regular basis. I seem to be applying the principle of “failing forward” when it comes to raising my children.
With that being said, let’s get back to the subject at hand: Choosing the right time to discuss drugs with our kids. First, I don’t know what the right time is to have this conversation, so I can’t help you choose that, but I am positive it’s better to have the conversation than to not have the conversation. I don’t need a degree to know that.
What happened on that Saturday was interesting. The class had about 20-25 adults who are mostly regular weekly attendants of the ARC class. When we got there, we were given a rundown of the exercises, repetitions, and time limits at each station. The course is different every week and is always a challenge. I was a bit worried she was not going to be physically mature enough for class. It was outside and it was humid and well into the upper 80’s. I eyeballed those who appeared to be the fittest people in the class and instructed my daughter to pace herself against one woman who was clearly very fit. She was lean and muscular in a way that only years of hard work can produce.
The course began with 5 minute intervals, several stations to complete as many times as you can in that time period followed by a 2 minute break. Five cycles were scheduled for a 25 minute workout in 35 minutes. I put my worries to rest when I saw after the first round she finished in 3rd place just behind the very impressive woman I mentioned above with whom I had told Zoe to pace herself. I was a little disturbed by my own performance: bottom 3rd of the pack, coming short of the 2 full cycle completion by 15-20 seconds. In 5 minutes, Zoe completed the entire course 2X.
Then, as the next 4 cycles progressed, myself and everyone else were getting slower and slower, except for Zoe and the two other front runners who continued to complete the entire course 2X. After the third round, the hump round, the course instructor approached Zoe and called her a “freak of nature.” Zoe blushed and smiled from ear to ear, beaming with self esteem. I was smiling too–on the inside–for on the outside I was doubled over, gasping for dear life as I swore the air was not carrying enough oxygen to sustain life.
The next two rounds were pure torture for me, I was happy to complete one cycle of the course. I finished in the bottom three people, while the only people to complete the course 2X were the three front runners, of which Zoe was one. As I ran past one of her stations in the 5th round I could see the pain and effort she was exerting in the grimace of her face while she was going past, parallel with every air squat. It was a serious challenge but she decided she was going to stick to her pacer like glue. When the class was over, she received praise from several of the instructors there and deservedly so. I could not have been more proud.
When we got in the car, I asked her how she felt. She said she felt great and agreed that it is a great way to get the day started. I then asked how it felt to have so many people give her praise and to be called a “freak of nature” and a “rock star,” and she agreed it felt great and was worth the effort.
I then pivoted the conversation by asking her to remember how good she feels right now and to remember the effort it took to earn that feeling. I asked her to never forget that feeling. I told her that many times in the next 10 years, someone she knows and loves, perhaps someone she knows now, will walk up to her offering a quick and easy way to feel as good as she feels now and it can happen in an instant, without any effort. I told her that the great feeling of worth, self esteem and energy she has now can be offered to her in the form of a drug that someone is going to offer her. There is a good chance that many of her friends, who have never had the opportunity to feel that good before because they never had the experiences Zoe has had of hard work and achievement on the soccer field, track and in the gym, will be very attracted to experiencing that “high” because drugs can make it happen instantly.
I asked Zoe to never forget how she felt because when it happens naturally, it lasts and increases with more effort and work. It’s a high you can attain over and over and with it comes higher and higher states of ability and achievement. The brain chemistry involved here is well known. The areas of the brain stimulated by achievement, accomplishment and ever-increasing states of physical fitness are the same areas targeted by the strongest drugs. However, with drugs, users are always searching for the feeling of their first high, but never get there. Many will never learn that there are other ways to achieve a “natural” high. Now Zoe has a frame of reference of how to release endorphins (the feel-good chemicals we produce naturally) on her own.
I am not naive enough to think that athletics are a foolproof defense against drug experimentation or addiction; as a matter of fact I am sure someone could argue that top athletes have a higher percentage of drug use than the general public or something to that effect. But the effect of confidence, self worth and self esteem athletics can produce will certainly work in your favor.
The best way to treat drug addiction is to never get addicted to begin with. Self esteem, self worth and confidence in who you are and your abilities are a great defense against the lure of drugs and the culture of the instant gratification that drugs provide. I know from experience growing up in Queens, NY with people I know and love that this conversation may be useless once the disease of drug addiction begins, but perhaps it can be helpful to those who have yet to indulge.
Thanks for reading!
There are so many parents out there with a lot to say on this matter. I have no ego on this subject and would love to learn from anyone with thoughts on this subject. Please contribute to the conversation by sharing this post with your networks and commenting below.
